Girls Girls Girls

The last time I was in a titty bar I still lived in Colorado (but it was in Montana) so to say it’s been a few years would be safe. Last night was my brother-in-laws bachelor party, in Vegas so yeah, there were titties…Big titties, little titties, pink titties, brown titties, black titties. Titties in my face, titties all over the place. (My apologies to Dr. Seuss) After paying our twenty dollar cover and settling on a pair of tables the girls were all over us like proverbial flies. I purchased my brother-in-law the mandatory lap dance before the limo we sent back for the wives, and wife-to-be delivered its’ drunken female payload.

I know I’m getting older but didn’t expect it to hinder my titty experience. Alas, with only a few exceptions, I was feeling too sorry for the girls to really enjoy the gyrations they were performing. I caught myself wondering whether these girls fathers’ knew what they were doing several times. I cringed as I watched them crawling around the stage for the money given to them, like roses performers once received in recognition of their work, but quite appropriately filthy, green and wilted.

Before anyone starts eyeballing my Man Card, I’ll move on to the few exceptions. The few girls who sincerely looked to be having a good time. The one with the perfect smile and the flexibility of a professional gymnast….damn……DAMN! Shit, now I forgot where I was going……..

A few differences between Montana and here were shockingly revealed to me when a dancer (all 90 pounds) jumped on my lap, grabbed my hand and placed it squarely on her perfect little ass. I guess there were similar shocking incidents upstairs with the wives too.) Both NV and MT allow alcohol to be served, however in Montana they take it all off, not just their tops like here, but there is absolutely no touching of the girls by the customer.

The funniest part of the night actually happened before The titty bar, we were all at Coyote Ugly, the rest of the guys were shy and hid near the bar while I inched my way forward eventually ending up near enough to the bar to have the water poured on the girls splash onto me also. However, the cruel hand of god chose this pinnacle of achievement as the best time to smite me with a full bladder. (The guys had been passing beers up to me.) It turned out that the bar didn’t waste space on restrooms and I had to go into the casino and down a floor to relive myself. On my way back this beautiful young lady in a skin tight short black dress, zoomed in on me more accurately and almost as fast as a Patriot Missile.(I credit my hat, which got mic time at Coyote Ugly and the Titty bar that night also.) She was grinding on me like a ……something that grinds a lot. When she finally figured out I wasn’t going to be doing whatever she wanted, she kissed my cheek and put a bunch of Mardi Gras beads around my neck. The guys were a little surprised when I returned from the restroom with the beads and lipstick on my cheek.

All fun aside, the most important part of the night is that I found out that my soon to be sister-in-law is a great lady and a lot of fun. Welcome to the family Major Fun. (Yes, she is Military)

Published in: on October 9, 2010 at 6:39 pm  Comments (3)  
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